Thursday, May 10, 2012

Smash Bros. The Next Generation - Day 8

The Kappa and The Witch! Unforgettable Vacation on the Island of Laughter!

  The winds have changed, and a dark cloud is moving towards an island reserved for fun-in-the sun. But it's not all bad. Sometimes the dark clouds just want to play a game of golf, or tennis.

Hail to the Returning King: Bowser

  The devilish King of the Koopa Clan. The biggest, baddest bruiser of 'em all. The Turtle who fails and fails again, bound to an eternal destiny of failure. It's easy to find Bowser the sympathetic character, honestly, but he doesn't want your sympathy.

  He wants your women.

  But if the existential quandary that was the ending to Mario Galaxy taught us anything, it's that he will never succeed. He has a similar problem in Brawl. He's so damn slow, and has such poor range that playing him is hardly viable. Which sucks because he's actually fun to play. He does everything you would want a Bowser character to do... Unfortunately, true to Bowser's sake, that also means he's going to lose pretty much all the time in the grand scheme of things.

  Honestly I think there's one thing that could improve the behemoth's on-field capabilities a great deal: make him unstoppable. Now I don't mean just give him a power star and let him go nuts (donuts), I mean make it so his attacks, slow and cumbersome as they are and should be, cannot be stopped. It was an element Sakurai tapped with Ike primarily in Brawl, but I think Bowser needs some more of that too. He's easy to fight from any sort of range being as gigantic as he is, so let him soak up the damage while he's attacking, but give him a chance to attack. His biggest flaw is that it's so cripplingly easy to dodge and cancel him out of any attack that it's hardly worth doing anything other than stealthing up to a conflict in progress. And have you ever tried stealthing with a 10-ton tank? It isn't easy.

  Alternate costumes... let's see... How about give him a color scheme/slight redesign to fit the way he looks in the Mario and Luigi RPG series. Either that or the super terrifying design he has in Super Mario Strikers: Charged (pictured above for it's sweetness.)

Hey, Ashley, what'cha playin'?

  Everyone knows she's the greatest. So why isn't she in Smash yet? Serving as another member of the Wario stable, Ashley could bring some much needed love for disgruntled teenage ladies the internet over! Plus, another caster, because there honestly isn't enough magic going around this game. With her powerful wand, this girl could hocus-pocus all over the place.

  I'm thinking some magic spells that could involve causing random WarioWare related items to summon up and shoot across the screen if we want to get really weird. If we want to stay simple, she could just summon up some fireballs or shoot some ghosts around. She's got an evil little demon buddy who could make some great mid-range attacks. Really, we're using magic, and the imagination is the limit, so let's just go with it.

  I've got some Final Smash ideas. Oh do I have some ideas. So this one's a little simple. "Pantelonus Giganticus!" and a giant plant monster bursts from the ground, flailing all over the place and murdering anyone that comes near. Simple but insane, but I think I have something to top that. She disappears, and then suddenly goes all "The Ring" or "The Grudge" on the screen, her hair covering her face as she acts all ghosty and just floats around the screen doing harm to individuals she gets near. But in like a cute, goofy, Ashley sort of way. Granted I think her hair should just be a weapon anyway, so that's where I'm drawing that from.

  And if we had to give our sweet Ash an alternate costume, how about something like dressing her up as Mona. She'd love that, I'm sure.

It's not a question of where, but when: Wuhu Island

  I can already hear somebody out there groaning, but let's face facts. Like it or not, Wuhu Island isn't going anywhere, and it's going to be a stage in any future incarnation of Smash Bros. We can't escape it, it's happening, so just bite down on the pillow if you don't like it. Me? I"m bracing for impact, because I rather like the island.

  Now, there's a -lot- of potential with this island. There are literally too many locations to choose, so I foresee this being a level where travel is involved. Whether it's a floating platform that flies around like Delfino Bay in Brawl or a flying bus/blimp platform like Mute City, I have no idea, but it's either some crazy travel around the island or multiple stages revolving around it. It's just too big.

Songs that make you go "Wuhu!"

Wii Sports Resort - Theme
  So I heard you like awesome fucking music. Well, then, you're in luck. Because if this song doesn't rock your god damn pants to the ground and leave you a puddly mess of your former self, then I don't know how you call yourself alive.

Mii Plaza - Puzzle Piece Swap
  I'm not being mean. I'm not being sarcastic. I legitimately adore this song with every fiber of my being.

Find Mii - Battle Theme
  To mix things up and give an actual battle theme once in a while, I thought this would be a neat addition.

Face Raiders - Final Battle 1
  So, I'll admit that I haven't touched Face Raiders since the 5 minutes I played it over a year ago, so I was unaware that it actually has a pretty boss soundtrack. This song, may in fact, be too awesome for this level and just might need it's own place as a final boss theme in Smash Bros.

Wii Party - Jungle Game Board
  So I find this to be a rather rousing track, perfect for a Smash stage.

Wii Fit - Get in Shape
  I can still hear that little balance board taunting me. I hate it with the passion of a thousand rednecks at Cher concert in North Carolina. (There's a little political humor for you. Don't expect that often.)

  I could talk about how awesome Nintendo's music has been for it's Mii-centric games for the past 6 years has been, but I really do need to sleep at some point, so I think we'll call it there. But if you have any favorites, by -all- means, please let me know below!

-Make it a good one.

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